For this exercise, I had to consider my current relationship with my sketchbook and how I’d like it to evolve. I was asked a series of questions and then prompted to read a selection of answers from OCA staff and students to the same questions. I then had to visually respond to the question, ‘What is your relationship with your sketchbook?’
To start with, I thought about my answers to the questions asked in the exercise.
Do you already keep a sketchbook?
Yes, but I don’t use it as much as I’d like to
Is it an extension of you?
I guess in some ways. My kneejerk reaction is to say no, as physically it’s very much not. It’s not always at arm’s length, and I usually store my ideas and thoughts in other ways, such as in notes on my phone. Mentally, I guess, it is an extension of me, as I share elements of my brain in it.
Does it feel like a best friend?
Not really, no.
Is it just a functional object that holds your ideas?
Yes, for now, that’s how it has been. I’d like it to be more like an extension of myself, though, or an ongoing project that I consistently add bits to.
Are you scared of your sketchbook?
Nope. I have overcome a lot of the fears I once had around using my sketchbook.
Am I being too functional in my sketchbooks?
Not so much anymore. I definitely used to be, and I have spent some time pushing myself past that.
Am I being too emotional in my sketchbooks?
I don’t think I’m being emotional enough! I don’t know how to communicate my emotions artistically yet, but I’m trying to work towards it.
Do I need to be more attached to my sketchbook or less attached?
I feel like I have a good balance here. I think some pages I’ll feel more attached to than others based on how I use them or the purpose of the page, but I quite like my attachment to my sketchbook right now.
Next, I read over the answers from OCA staff and students and highlighted firstly the things I felt applied to my current relationship with sketchbooks, and secondly the things I aspired to relate to. I related to a lot of snippets of answers, and reading through them gave me a lot to think about. I found there wasn’t as much I wanted to apply to my sketchbook process going forwards, however, this helped me single out really clearly what it is I want to change.
Currently, I really enjoy using my sketchbook, but it isn’t habitual, nor does it feel particularly natural. As I mentioned above, I don’t find myself reaching for it nearly as often as I’d like. I actually have lists upon lists in my phone of things I’d like to explore or ideas to sketch out that never end up taking fruition as they’re buried in between shopping lists and important reminders. Every time I use my sketchbook, it is intentional rather than casual. I seek it out because I need to let go of creative energy, or because I need to thumbnail a response to a brief, or because I feel like studying something I struggle drawing.
This isn’t an inherently bad way to use a sketchbook, but it’s not one I’m overly happy with. Right now, it feels as if there’s a disconnect between me and my sketchbook. It’s distant and detached, a solid ‘thing’ with no real integration in my life. One of the answers I most resonated was by Lola O’Shea, who said ‘I am always in a rush to try and start out my piece and I feel like my sketchbook is a waste of time’ and that ‘I think I dislike my sketchbook when I am feeling lazy or if I am excited by a piece and I want to start straight away’. This really stood out to me as it’s often my issue with using my sketchbook. It feels boring and pointless a lot of the time, and often I find myself procrastinating it as long as I possibly can.
Most of the highlighted portions for how I currently feel discuss using the sketchbook as a tool, as something to process ideas in, to learn from, and to go back over once completed. The idea of having a bookshelf full of completed sketchbooks that I can use as my own reference material when exploring future projects is appealing to me. In order to make this possible, I feel I need to stop having such a casual and detached relationship with my sketchbook.
First off, I want to use my sketchbook every day where possible. I have many reservations around this as the nature of my chronic illnesses means my energy is very precious and carefully managed. I am concerned that by trying to use my sketchbook every day, I will be limiting what other things I have energy for or unnecessarily using that energy on sketching when I should be focused on other things. After some thought, I realised that it would be interesting to see what I create when I put as much energy as I have to spare into my work. It won’t be ‘good’ per se, but it could create an interesting commentary on life as a chronically ill person.
Secondly, I want to take my sketchbook everywhere I go and try to remember to get it out of my bag and actually use it. I want to start developing a habit of going to my sketchbook whenever I have an idea, rather than writing it down in my phone. I think this also ties into my energy levels – I’m afraid that the energy needed to draw/sketch out a thought or idea is greater than the energy it takes to write a note in my phone. I could instead be using that energy to cook food for myself or socialise.
I also want to use my sketchbook to achieve long and short term goals, such as those outlined in my introduction to this unit. I want my sketchbooks to be a catalogue of my artistic development and progress and be easily accessible for me to go back through and learn from. I’d also like to maybe write more in my sketchbooks. This feels almost taboo to me. I am naturally a writer, and I can verbalise my thoughts and feelings rapidly and with great comprehension. I always have a notebook with me, and I have pages upon pages of scrap paper filled with notes all over my home. I often struggle with translating those notes into visual representations, so I have constricted myself to not write in my sketchbooks where possible.
Whilst growing up, I’m pretty sure that I was discouraged by art tutors from writing in my work, perhaps because I did tend towards it over visual representation, and I have internalised it as ‘writing in my sketchbook is bad’. My current relationship with text in my art is pretty good, I enjoy typography, and I do incorporate words and language into my art currently, but I never just write. I don’t know if I would like to always write in my sketchbooks, but I’d like to remove the feeling that it’s ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ to do so. I could easily write pages upon pages in my sketchbook some days, maybe doing so would actually encourage and propagate art.
I spent a lot of time mulling all of this over and found myself quite inspired when it came to creating my visual response. At the time, I was feeling extremely detached from my sketchbook, and I had very little motivation to actually create. The piece I have ended up with is a pretty brilliant representation of my relationship with my sketchbook as it stands. It feels far away, impossible to reach, and there are just so many other more interesting things I could be doing instead. Reaching for it is sometimes a battle, but it’s one I’m slowly overcoming.
This exercise has made me feel even more excited about this unit. Identifying these feelings and how I want to work as an artist is really eye-opening and useful. I’m also surprised at my ability to visually respond so easily to this prompt, as I jumped straight in with a fineliner and watercolour and created something I’m happy with. I hope that over time I’m able to have a more entangled relationship with my sketchbook.
Learning Log 